I like the term “We’re expecting” when people talk about pregnancy, because it makes it seem like there could be more than one outcome.
It’s all like:

We’re ‘expecting' a baby.
But it ‘could' be a velociraptor.


Tips for being an adult:

  • there are none
  • don’t become an adult
  • stay a child forever
  • Peter Pan was right


movie theaters are actually really cute like a bunch of strangers come together to watch a movie together with snacks and candy and laughing and crying aw good job movie theaters i see what you did there


I know drugs are bad and that they ruin families but so does monopoly and that’s still legal


people that are dorks but also sexually attractive need to either stay away from me or get very very close to me

  • Me in seventh grade: I hope I'm not gay
  • Me now: I want the soccer team to piss on me
posted 22 hours ago - 10,312 notes via ztairchekhov)
, lol  


my friend who snorts cocaine won’t eat cookie dough because it’s bad for you


My mistress’ eyes are nothing like my mum’s.

#freudian poetry

Anonymous wondered:
Why does Chris Evans always grab his left boob when he laughs?


Hello, anon, and thank you for the question.

This topic has been studied by by researchers for years. There are three prevailing theories that I will relay to you now.

1. It keeps him on the ground.


You may notice in the gif above that Chris’ leg starts to rise as he laughs, possibly a precursor to his entire body undergoing a sort of lift off due to his joy. Chris then employs his upper body strength to force himself to obey the laws of gravity.

2. To check on his physique.


As you may be aware, anon, it takes a lot of hard work to maintain a superhero body. Chris is concerned that in the time he has spent sitting down, sans working out or eating, he has lost muscle mass. Understandably, he feels the need to make sure that he is still a specimen.

3. Object permanence.


Object permanence is a term applied to the understanding that an object still exists even when you cannot see it. Chris closes his eyes when he laughs, making him unable to see that he has not disappeared. By grabbing his left boob, Chris knows that he has not somehow ceased to exist.

I hope this helps.